The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
