Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
