he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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