...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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