When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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