I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
