no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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