no, he came in my armpit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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