at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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