hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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