ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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