does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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