Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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