UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
