You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
