O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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