It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
