Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize