I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize