the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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