I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
