I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
