wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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