It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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