I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize