You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
