So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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