meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There r osticjed everywhere
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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