You're earring is so big in my mouth
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
