I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
