how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
