Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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