Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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