youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
