I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
