You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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