sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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