Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
