I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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