the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I FOUND THE LEGS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
