I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
