sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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