The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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