Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
