im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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