I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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