my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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