You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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