hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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