Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
