At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
