If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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