I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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