i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
