just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
