I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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