hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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