When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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