Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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