can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
