Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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